


Let the Lamp Affix Its Beam

by the_deep_magic



Category: Actor RPF, Star Trek RPF
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-16
Updated: 2010-03-16
Packaged: 2017-10-19 09:21:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/199315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_deep_magic/pseuds/the_deep_magic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Heartbreak, pain, consequences, loss. <i>Please just make it go away.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Let the Lamp Affix Its Beam

Zach draped his suit jacket over the hanger carefully, as always, smoothing out any wrinkles as he hung it back up.  The cufflinks were next – they must have been his father’s.  Chris had never seen him wear them before.

Chris rubbed his eyes, still puffy from crying, and emptied his pockets of crumpled tissues.  He’d been the one dabbing his eyes as he and Zach stood there for what felt like hours, shaking hands and receiving well-meaning sympathies, Chris’ hand on the small of his back whenever Zach’s eyes started to glaze over.  Zach hadn’t cried since it happened.

When Chris had finally shed the tie and the much-hated shoes in his side of the closet, he looked up to see Zach leaning stiffly against the wall, staring blankly ahead like something in his brain had been switched off.  “Zach,” Chris said, reaching a hand out and touching Zach’s chest.

Zach’s eyes focused again as he looked down at Chris’ hand as though he’d never seen it before.  When he looked up, Chris had less than a second to try to place the ferocity in his gaze before Zach was on him, a strong hand wrapped around the back of Chris’ neck, jerking him forward against Zach’s mouth.

It was less like kissing and more like being fed on – Zach bit at Chris’ lips and tongue, holding him hard with one hand while the other yanked Chris’ crisp white shirt from his pants.  “Yeah,” Zach growled against his mouth, “c’mon.”  He tore at the buttons so viciously that two actually popped off, and that was when Chris’ brain finally caught up.

“Zach,” he gasped during a brief break for air, trying to grab at Zach’s wrists to still his hands.

But Zach just batted his hands away.  “Don’t talk.”

Chris threw his weight forward to back Zach up against the wall.  He got both hands up to Zach’s chest and managed to push back enough to look Zach in the eye.

Zach froze instantly, his mouth still hanging open.  Then he started to shake.  “Holy Christ,” he moaned softly, his eyes falling shut.  “What the fuck am I doing?”

“’s okay,” Chris whispered, pulling Zach into his arms.  “It’s alright.”

“What the fuck is wrong with me?  You touched me, and it was… all I could think about was getting you naked, fucking you.  I wasn’t feeling anything at all, I was just…”

“It’s okay, Zach,” Chris murmured, rubbing a hand across Zach’s shoulders.  He was supporting most of Zach’s weight now, so he carefully walked them both to the edge of the bed and sat them down.  “It’s a normal reaction, I promise you.”

“How is this normal?  I should be grieving.  Instead I’m like a… a goddamned _animal_ in heat.”

“No, it happens.  It’s good, even.  Sometimes when you feel surrounded by death, you want to be reminded you’re alive.  It’s like socking the Grim Reaper in the eye.”

Zach laughed joylessly against Chris’ shoulder.  “It seems… disrespectful, at the very least.”

Chris just held him tighter.  “It’s not.  What could be more life-affirming than sex?”

They sat there for a while in silence until Zach had calmed into merely trembling.  Chris eased his hold just enough to press a kiss to Zach’s forehead, one to each of his closed eyes.   Then he tilted Zach’s head up and kissed his mouth, much gentler than before but still full of desire.

“And this…” Zach stuttered.  “This is okay?”

“More than okay,” Chris said, fingers working the buttons of Zach’s shirt.  He pulled him up to stand, to make it easier to push the open shirt from Zach’s shoulders and begin to work at his belt.  Zach let him, kept his hands resting on Chris’ shoulders and did little more than simply keep their lips pressed together.

Getting undressed took longer than it normally would, but Chris wasn’t about to pull away to make it go faster.  When all of their clothes finally lay in puddles on the floor, Chris gently took Zach by the hips and pushed until the backs of his knees hit the bed.  Zach tumbled backward easily, pulling Chris along with him.

Chris slowly moved them until Zach’s head was resting on the pillows.  Zach pressed up against him, rubbing their erections together.  Chris gasped, “You want—?”

Zach shook his head, his eyes wide and glistening.  “Just like this.”

Chris nodded, hitching one of Zach’s thighs around his waist and aligning their hips.  Neither of them spoke a word for a long while, letting soft moans and the sound of skin on skin fill the silence.  When Chris came, he whispered Zach’s name against the skin of his throat, but Zach only moaned loudly and clutched Chris tighter, hips stuttering as he released.

When the tears started sliding down Zach’s cheeks, Chris was there to kiss them away.


End file.
